I’ve spent most of my career thus far working with youth; there are so many things I want to tell them about the world. In the past week or so, I’ve realized the things I want to tell them are the things I wish I had heard when I was their age, and so a letter that I wish I had gotten.
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Dear 15-year-old GARMIN,
I wish I could tell you everything and give you an education on life; on how to be a decent human being, how to ask for what you need, how to be loving and accepting of everyone and yourself, how to manifest everything you want without asking your parents for it, and how to live the life you want. And yet, these are all things you will learn on your own terms; through your relationships with friends, lovers, and your parents. There are some things that you will just need to learn on your own time and there are some things that I can share with you to help in your journey.
Love what you love. Love Friday night movie nights, late night drives through the country blasting T-Swift while eating wild blueberries from the local farm stand, hikes alone, sewing bowties, cuddling with the cat, and painting on rainy days. Love what you love so much that you cease to care what others think. Drop societies expectations of you, live in your own way. Own it, kiddo. Wear your pink rain jacket with your red sweat pants and green crocs. You do you.
Get good at radical self-care. Press the pause button. Lay in the hot steamy bath for hours, nap Sundays away, take your vitamins, feel your real feelings, stay in on weekends, don’t do your homework for a night, drink tea, practice yoga, and let go of anything that doesn’t make your soul come alive. This is the only body you get and so love it hard.
Be here. Have a little fun. In 10 years you won’t remember if you got an A in a class or a D. You will remember the fun nights spent with friends doing things you weren’t supposed to be doing. You’ll remember streaking with your friends down at the creek, you’ll remember eating peanut butter and jelly crackers with your friends past curfew, and you’ll remember piercing your own ears in your friends dorm room right before long weekend. You aren’t going to remember that chem test you failed or that paper you forgot to write. The good times last and bad fade away. Stay here. It’s a good life.
Build a life you love. Not a life your parents love. Go to a college, date the people, have the friends, live in the places, and do the things you love. Getting clear and sticking with may be one of the most challenging things you will do in your whole life. And it will be so worth it. Building a life that is sustainable and wonderfully, gloriously, inspiring, messy, beautiful, hard, and authentic won’t be easy but, it will sure be worth it. Be so committed to creating the life you want that it inspires others to do the same.
Find some grit. Get good with words so that you can have a fiery comeback at the boss you hate, and good so you can tell the ones you love how much you do. Know where your power lies. Get friends who can remind you of your own strength when you forget. Play on #teamGARMIN.
Communicate. Communicate with your friends, your parents, your lover. People aren’t mind readers. They don’t know the intricacies of every thought, feeling, need, or desire. Share them freely. Living an authentic life requires vulnerability. The world bills vulnerability as something to be avoided, to stray away from at all costs but, true, real vulnerability is beautiful and freeing. It allows everyone to love each other in a way so that that the other person feels free.
Sometimes the world and your own mind can be a scary place. Sometimes those thoughts creep in. You know them. They start with the enough syndrome, “I’m not skinny enough. I’m not pretty enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not strong enough. I’m not creative enough. I’m not (fill in the blank) enough.” Try to shut down the enoughs before the turn into something bigger. And if you can’t, ask for help. Ask for help with the enough syndrome, or the body image, or the depression, anxiety, phobias, fears, hopes, and dreams. There is no shame in asking for help. A good therapist and an anti-depressant can turn a mediocre life into a great one fairly quickly. Ask for help before you think you need it. And do it so that you aren’t a young 19-year-old standing on a balcony about ready to jump and end your own life. And dear lord, if you see it in your friends, reach out for help for them. Sometimes the darkness is so thick we can’t see the light.
Own your identity. Own your intricacies. It’s a beautiful life being queer. The world is changing, being anything other than straight will cease to be taboo soon. Coming out won’t be as hard as you think it will be. Your home team will accept you, and your brother will step up and be the biggest ally you will ever have. The queer community is big and vibrant, multicolored and glitter filled. Everyone you meet in your journey will guide you somewhere beautiful. Be willing to be led and shepherded. Step into your sexuality, it frees your soul to do bigger work in the world.
And if you are hating your body, now is the time to nip that in the bud. Now is the time and space in which those thoughts grow. Flip the script, reverse the ship. Work out and move your body for the way it feels and the endorphins you get, not the calories you burn. Love your beautiful body. Love all the things it can do. Love the way your big toe turns in ever so slightly, love your strong thighs for supporting you up the mountain, love the way your hair sways side to side when you run up a big hill. Love that kind of body.
And my gosh, start a meditation practice. Learning how to breathe through anything will serve you in every arena of your life. It will serve you on the sports field, on the mountain, in the classroom, in hard conversations, in the boardroom, and when you are waiting in traffic.
Love the now, the present. Love the way sun shines for you. Love the rhythm of the days, the surety of the nights. Love the now. Love the here.
Sending love,
24-year old GARMIN
